Pass This On to Your Managers

"Whatever you feel compelled to do, don't." This simple rule is one of the best management lessons I've ever run into. I thought I'd pass it on to you, so you can pass it on to your managers.

We've talked a lot about what makes recognition effective in this blog. But there are missteps that can undermine the impact of recognition in less than a minute. Impulsive actions or comments that we kick ourselves for doing. Sending an irritated email after a less than productive team meeting, for example. Or showing your frustration by making a crack about the work being presented.

Why do we keep making these destructive/self-destructive mistakes? Tony Schwartz explained why we do it in his recent Harvard Business Review (HBR) blog. (But, of course, you can stop here if think that you'll never put your foot in your mouth or try to stop yourself mid-sentence.)

The short version is that ordinarily, our brain is in what Tony Schwartz calls the "Performance Zone," equipping us to think clearly, calmly and logically. A critical comment from a team member or boss? Set backs in a project schedule? Our brain responds to the perceived threat in a instinctive way. We shift to the "Survival Zone." A different part of our brain takes over, stress hormones are released, we lose our capacity for reflection -- and we don't really know that we have lost it.

Now we're not thinking, we're reacting with a compulsion to win. No flight for us, we're going to fight to win. We send the snarky email. We snap at the IT guy. Our feelings are running so high, we don't notice that we are interrupting or exaggerating.

Once we calm down, think it's over? Nuh, uh. Once the stress hormones shut off and logical thought returns, WE OFTEN USE OUR LOGIC TO JUSTIFY OUR BAD BEHAVIOR. Think about the guys who fiddled with the various financial schemes that they knew were iffy, ruined peoples finances, but still don't seem to see it that way.Think about the situations that you or your managers may have justified to yourselves, and the damage done by your self-justification to trust and as an extension, employee engagement.

In a separate HBR blog, Tony Schwartz mentions a research finding that, "among married couples it takes at least five positive comments to offset one negative one." What do you think the ratio would be if the research was done with your own employees? Plus, if you justified your bad behavior to yourself, you're not even going to try to fix things up.

"Whatever you feel compelled to do, don't. Compulsions are not choices, and they rarely lead to positive outcomes." Want to learn how to manage yourself better in these situations? There are proven techniques in the blog.

Don't just keep them to yourselves, pass them on. 

Margaret O'Hanlon is founder and principal of re:Think Consulting.  She has decades of experience teaming up with clients to ensure great Human Resource ideas deliver valuable business results.  Margaret brings deep expertise in total rewards communications and change management to the dialog at the Café. Before founding re:Think Consulting, she was a Principal in Total Rewards Communications and Change Management with Towers Perrin. Margaret is a member of the Board of Directors of the International Association of Business Communicators (IABC), Pacific Plains Region. She earned her M.S. and Ed.S. in Instructional Technology at Indiana University. Creative writing is one of her outside passions, along with Masters Swimming.

Comments

[Laura Schroeder]

In other words, to be a good manager remember that most of your natural impulses are completely wrong. I've never heard it put in exactly that way before but this may be the bit we've all been missing.

[Margaret O'Hanlon]

I don't think that I would say most of our natural impulses are wrong. But this is about an impulse that is I find, in my own experience, by its nature difficult to reflect on, understand and change. Of course, the instinct that you are being threatened is dampened if you have had enough sleep, eat somewhere besides your desk, take breaks from work and all the other things that keep us balanced. The impulse is far more likely to strengthen on those bad, bad (and sometimes confusing) days when caffeine isn't enough to keep both feet firmly planted on the ground.

Thanks Laura!

[Laura Schroeder]

True, not all natural impulses are bad. But to the extent that workplaces are competitive, your natural impulses are bound to be competitive as well. So there's more going on than just personal impulses, there's the whole company culture backdrop and whether competition or cooperation is rewarded.

Anyway, talking about leadership in terms of instinct and the pitfalls of relying on instinct is an interesting angle. Thanks!

[Derek Irvine, Globoforce]

Margaret,important post. The old lesson to "count to 10" is valuable. Of course, 24 hours would be even better but in today's instant gratification, instant access society, I think 10 seconds is even long for most to force themselves to wait to react.

In general, if we could all try to remember this principle and pause before reacting, we'd all be better off.

I'm adding it to my personal practices list right now!

[E. James (Jim) Brennan]

A second misspent in instant reaction can produce days of remedial work. Or sometimes create uncorrectable permanent disasters. Whoops!... I sent this off too fast. Darn. :-(

[Gillian]

It's very true that making a rash decision, like sending that snarky email you regret later, can do damage to your effectiveness as a manager. Good reminder, thanks!

[Margaret O'Hanlon]

Sounds like the research hit a cord for Derek, Jim and Gillian. I was hoping it would. It's a new week, soon to be a new month, time to remind ourselves -- whatever you feel compelled to do, don't.

Thanks for your comments!