Feedback is always vital but is most appreciated when it is positive. Odd, isn’t it, because we should be more grateful for negative feedback. Very few people outside our chain of command are courageous enough to advise us of our corrective needs so we can improve. We should cultivate their frank negative feedback rather than avoid it, as is the normal tendency.
Compliments feel good. They feed our ego and build our sense of worth. Negative input disrupts our complacent self-image. Criticism is disconcerting, brings shame and diminishes our confidence. Being told what you did wrong inspires defensive reactions, invites counterattacks and can generally ruin your day. But identifying error is necessary for positive improvement to eliminate the problematic behavior or overcome the obstacles you have created for yourself. How could you fix what you do wrong if you remain blind to your shortfalls?
What bad stuff do you do that should be eliminated? That should be a lot more important to your survival, growth and success than what you do right. What you do automatically, easily and naturally is usually correct because it tends to be your default best response to a given situation. Most often, doing things properly is the result of a lifetime of learning and experience gained through mistakes. Gee, here comes that curve: being correct is the eventual result of being wrong a lot of times. You can’t do it right until you first try. On your first try, you usually do it wrong. Then you persist: you keep repeating and practicing and learning until doing it right comes easily and naturally. Without the negative feedback, both initial and continuing, you never get better.
Those who are expert at something and want to maintain their lead position are constantly seeking negative input. That requires patience, resolution, persistence and endurance. It can be mental, emotional or physical and frequently is all three. Every extremely successful individual exhibits those characteristics. One famous coach once said that the difference between an amateur and a professional is that the professional does it right every time.
People who give you praise only build your ego, while those criticizing you are building your competence.
No pain, no gain, is the iconic phrase. Praise is pleasurable; criticism is painful. It is ironic that by inviting pain, you gain ability. It is doubtful that these intellectual musings will suddenly make you yearn for a comprehensive negative analysis. No one is eager to confront a list of all their flaws and faults; but this short discussion might help you gain appreciation of the need to invite, accept and embrace criticism as an improvement tool.
Without criticism, you will never get better than you are today.
Do you have the courage to actively solicit criticism? If not, think about what that means. If so, then I look forward to learning a lot from you in the future.
E. James (Jim) Brennan is Senior Associate of ERI Economic Research Institute, the premier publisher of interactive pay and living-cost surveys. Semi-retired after over 40 years in HR corporate and consulting roles throughout the U.S. and Canada, he’s pretty much been there done that (articles, books, speeches, seminars, radio/TV, advisory posts, in-trial expert witness stuff, etc.) and will express his opinion on almost anything.
Creative Commons image "Thank You" by vistamommy
Good article Jim. There is a saying that you learn the most when you talk to someone that doesn't agree with you.
Posted by: Jacque Vilet | 04/09/2012 at 10:57 PM
I like negative feedback, when it's not personal. Feel free to give feedback on work, performance and behavior while at work. Just keep the personal stuff at home.
"I need you to work more hours to complete X project. You are getting behind." is a good feedback.
"You need to tell your husband to take his turn at picking up your kids. We need you to work extra hours to hit our target" is a terrible idea.
I just wish HR educate managers on acceptable work communication. Sometimes, the things they say makes me cringe.
Posted by: Juliana | 04/16/2012 at 08:00 PM
Managers usually presume that their titles prove that they are experts at employee communication and hence need pay no heed to the HR wonks. Communicating the need for more effective communications is very difficult until you have some negative examples that can't be ignored.
Posted by: E James (Jim) Brennan | 04/20/2012 at 10:35 PM