Hope you have seen this before.
So you want a day off, huh? Well, let’s just take a look at what you’re asking for, OK?
There are 365 days per year, making that 52 weeks in the year. You already have 2 days off per week, leaving just 261 days available for work. Since you already spend 16 hours each day away from work you’ve used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days left to work. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee breaks which accounts for 23 days each year, now leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch break each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave, leaving you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days.
Look, we generously give 14 days vacation per year, which leaves only 1 day available for work ... and I’ll be darned if you’re going to get that day off!
Fellow Compensation Cafe contributor Dan Walter inspired my search for this old amusing joke ("5 holidays a year" dates it) when he wisely observed in an inter-contributor email recently: "February is a dumb short month. All months should be 30 days. And the last five days of the years should simply be Year End (and should be treated as holidays). And ... each month should have 5 work weeks. Each work week should be should be 4 days on and 2 days off. Each work day should be 9 hours. Total work hours if full time = 2,160 hours (9*4 = 36hr/week, 36*5 = 180hr/month, 180*12 = 2,160hr/year. If pay remains relatively steady ... we win!"
Might be another clever way to squeeze even more work for less pay out of people while bragging that we are only modernizing the antique Gregorian calendar, replacing it with the new nifty simpler Walterian calendar system. More seriously, it is hardly more nonsensical than some rationalizations human resources and compensation people are required to create to defend many an impractical formal policy slam-dunked into immediate effect by overenthusiastic senior executives. Right?
Bet others have seen worse. If so, please share short summaries. Also would like to see some savvy coherent "rebuttals" analyzing the flawed logic presented above in such statistically precise format. Then we can vote on the best shortest clearest critique of the confusing but semi-impressive babble that seems so very representative of our typical HR jargon.
Even if we can't get a paid day off, at least we can enjoy each day we pretend to work.
E. James (Jim) Brennan is a total rewards advisor with extensive multi-industry corporate HR and consulting experience. Past Compensation Editor of the Personnel Journal and last Senior Associate of pay surveyor ERI, he recently returned to consulting. Author of the Performance Management Workbook, popular speaker and frequent expert witness in executive compensation trials, Jim also serves on the Advisory Board of the Compensation and Benefits Review.
"School Calendar 2017-2018" courtesy Creative Commons
Such a beautiful reuse/abuse of the word "day" alternating between the 24hr period and the colloquial nomenclature for the 8hrs we are supposed to be "at our desk." An oldie, but nice word-play nonetheless.
Posted by: Eric Anderson | 04/04/2017 at 10:58 AM
Oooo, nice, Eric! Not only did you get it in one, but your concise summary of how deceptive terminology can facilitate statistical manipulation might be the "best in class." Who can beat that?
Posted by: E. James (Jim) Brennan | 04/04/2017 at 01:38 PM